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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Doings

A couple weeks ago, my dad's family had the annual get together referred to as "The Doings." The Doings are generally held at my Auntie Zue-Zue's house. We grill some sort of meat (this year it was pork - yuck. I had veggies and cheesy potatoes) and spend the afternoon drinking and bullshitting.

The highlight of the Doings is the presentation of the Zirving Zfrank Memorial Award, presented to the member of the Zhompson clan who exhibits the most "Zirv" like behavior during the year. My dad won the inaugural year for getting tired of waiting for the doctor to remove his stitches and removing his stitches himself. My aunt won last year for saying, "The bread was stale and the wine tasted like shit," on her way back from communion. My other aunt who was in church with her was afraid God was going to strike her down. This didn't happen. Yet.

There were 5 nominations this year. The first four involved instances of road rage. I was pretty excited that no one had nominated me for this years award until my aunt announced I had won. And what a prize I had won:

After my grandpa passed and his children were cleaning out his house they found what would become the Zirving Zfrank Memorial Award. No one knew what it was or what purpose it served, just that for some reason Grandpa had put it together and held onto.

Every year the winner adds their contribution to the trophy, kind of like the Stanley Cup, but more meaningful, I think.

You are probably wondering what I did to deserve such an honor. Well, I had some plantar warts on the bottom of my left foot. I wasn't particularly fond of my warts, but I didn't want to go to the doctor and have them frozen off. That sounded painful. So I decided my best option would be to gouge them out with an X-acto knife, which I did. I've been wart free ever since. But, what clinched the award for me was my statement to my father about the wartectomy I preformed on myself: "I am not paying some doctor $20 to freeze the bottom of my foot when I can take care of the warts myself with an X-acto knife."

In hindsight, I should have kept quiet about the wartectomy.

Saturday, July 21, 2007


One main character is killed every 81.1 pages. Its by far my favorite of the Harry Potter books.

Harry's Here

My eyeballs may fall out, but I'm going to finish this book before the weekend is over.

Okay, I'll admit, I kind of sort of know how it ends because I couldn't resist and I read the last page. :-)

And now for something new and different for the afternoon.....more Harry Potter!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Nooner which turned into a Oner that turned into a Twoer...

The cable guy was supposed to be here today between the hours of 1 and 3 - it was after 4 when he finally showed up. We've had the cable installed for just over a month and a couple weeks ago the remote stopped working. We tried everything - new batteries, hitting it, throwing it against the wall, letting the boy "fix" it with his hammer - nothing worked.

So last night, Zippy called the cable company. The unhelpful lady on the other end said we would have to pay either $12 to ship 3 day or $20 to ship overnight to get a new remote. I said to my dearest husband, "Give me the phone." He complied with my request.

Today the cable guy stopped by with a brand new remote for free. And I am now in love with the cable! Why? Certainly not due to the quality of crap on 24/7, but the greatest cable invention ever. Apparently I have on demand. Not only do I get to watch some shows and movies on demand for free, but I get to watch surgeries on demand. Tonight I watched robotic heart surgery for free while eating my gluten free snack.

The other's that share my house (not the boy, he was already sleeping) thought eating while watching surgery was disgusting, but they are weird like that. I'm tempted to get up early tomorrow to watch more surgeries.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Eggs are Nature's Hand Grenades

Isn't that lovely? I tried to eat eggs this morning but my child had other plans - namely eating my eggs.

I heart cereal - trying to go gluten free is making me a might crabby. I miss my breakfast cereal (and lunch cereal and snack cereal and dinner cereal) and I finally had an idea that sounded appetizing - an omelet. Baba also thought it was appetizing and tricked me into going back into the kitchen to get him a spoon. Apparently his cereal and blueberries weren't enough.

Hopefully I find out the results for this celiac business sooner rather than later.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Harry Potter and the Annoying Girl's Buttcrack

Tomorrow is Harry Potter day (yes, I realize that it has been out for over 24 hours but so what!? I am too old and tired to see it on a work night). So what is the fascination? Why am I so excited to see this darn movie? I know how it is going to end - I've read the book twice.

I am very much looking forward to spending the evening with my friends Zennie, Zobyn, Zon, Ziz, and Zippy (dang. How is it possible that I know so many people with "Z" names?) and eating popcorn (no butter, please).

Today was the best day at work ever. Big, the annoying girl, was gone! Who cares that several of my installs when to crap and I got yelled at by the DLPM from Toys in Texas (whatevs Rich, you are still my main LP man)? Big was gone. I could hear myself think. I saw no boobs or buttcracks. And, when I was on the phone, I could hear the person I was talking to. It was awesome!!!!!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Isn't she beautiful?

After we helped her into her dress, I stood back in amazement at the beautiful woman my sister had become. She was no longer the nerdy girl with braces, glasses, and a broken arm. She was a woman who was about to become someones wife. I was on the verge of tears when she motioned for me to come over.

She said, "Toey, I really got to poop. I thought the feeling would pass when I got my dress on, but it got worse."

I did my sisterly duty and guarded while she went about her business. Isn't that beautiful?

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Wedding Weekend

Little Ditty married Poonch II this weekend. I have a brother! I've always wanted a brother. We started the weekend with a surprise bachlorette party for Little Ditty on Thursday night. 19 of her closests friends, relatives, and neighbors attended a Saints game. Our seats were literally on the field.

After the game we spent the night at my parents house (my bff from Kansas and a bunch of Ditty's Indiana friends). Friday morning we got up for nail fun (I got a French pedicure - my feet look fantastic) and ate lunch at a little cafe.

The rehearsal went well, despite Ditty's refusal to kiss her husband-to-be after the pastor told her to. The pastor told her they needed to work on their kissing before the wedding. That made me laugh, a lot. I heard the rehearsal dinner food was excellent. Seeing as how I don't eat pork, I had broccoli, carrots, and a sundae for supper.

Saturday morning, I had to be up at butt-crack to have my hair done. My hair looked fantastic, but it was done 6 hours before the wedding. Not a lot of fun, but it held well. We went to the church to get ready and take pictures. The ceremony was disappointingly dry eyed. Judging by the state of the groom the night before we figured we would all be crying. Poonch II is a sensative guy, but both him and Ditty made it through without crying. And my little cowboy made an adorable ringbearer.

Their reception was at a country club. The food was excellent. After dinner we shook our groove thing all night. The challenge of the evening was to polish of the 16 gallon keg my father had invested in. We were successful.

After several glass of beer, we were the greatest dancers ever. We invented such dances as the shopping cart, the walker, and lawn mower. Our dancing kept the band entertained for hours.