Today was the doings at my Auntie Sue-Sue's house and the presentation of the Second Annual Irving Frank Memorial Award, a very prestigious honor given to whomever exhibits the most Irv-like behavior during the year.
My grandpa Irv (my dad's dad) passed away in 2003. He was a very interesting man. He served as a Marine in World War II, had five children with my grandma, took care of my grandma during her descent into Alzheimer’s (she is still living), and had no, none, zero, zip, zilch patience. A trait which he passed down to his children and his children's children.
When Irv moved his mother (my great-grandma) into the nursing home, he couldn't get her TV to pickup channel 5. She said, "But I like channel 4." All of her "stories" where on channel 4. He said to his mother, "You can like channel 4 while watching channel 5." That's classic Irv.
Anyway, after he died, his children got the delightful task of cleaning out his town home. After several dumpsters had been hauled away, they found what would become the Irv Memorial Award. We aren't really sure what it is. It is three pieces of wood nailed together. There is a handle on top and something on the bottom. Whatever it is, it is a thing of beauty.
Whoever wins this award adds something to the award, my aunt Dice added "Irv" written in nails during the inception of the award and my father (last years winner for removing his own stitches after surgery) added a light switch that doesn't do anything.
The winner this year was.....drum roll....my aunt Dice. Third place was a three way tie between myself (I drove almost 10 miles with my brights on because some guy had cut me off. I would dim my lights for oncoming drivers, but as soon as the innocent person passed back on my brights would go), my uncle Todd (also driving related), and my Auntie Sue-Sue (also driving related). Second place went to my aunt Dice's partner for use of the "Irv-stare" (kind of like the care-bear stare only scarier).
And what did Dice do to top all that, you ask. Well, one Sunday, after receiving communion, she said to Sue-Sue, "this bread is stale and this wine tastes like shit!"
Nominations are being accepted for next year's award. I can hardly wait.
PS Half.com if you are reading this, if you send me one more email that my order is confirmed and being processed I'm going to have to shake my fist at the computer. I don't need 12 (so far) emails telling me the same thing. I get the point, so stop sending them. Thank you.